Have you ever had a moment of clarity so real that it feels like you are waking up from a dream...
As if you haven't been living in reality for what could possibly be..I don't know!? Years!?
I think something inside me has been asleep.
I don't know how long. I don't know when it started but right now I feel as if I'm finally connecting the dots.
To describe it another way, it's almost as if I have been living in an out of body experience and today is the day my brain stopped floating separate from myself living in reality.
I think I finally get it now. My eyes are finally open to these important realities.
I am a mother. I have three children that I am responsible for. They need me.
Day and night. 24/7. That is a fact. A reality.
A responsibility that I cannot escape no matter how hard I may have subconsciously tried in the past.
They require my care, attention and assistance from the moment they wake up, until they go back to sleep. Then, if they wake up in the middle of the night? I still must be mentally prepared to care for them.
I must serve them with a humble heart because I love them. Even more so because God loves them and because God put them in my care.
I am not allowed to do the bare minimum. I am not allowed to sneak by or fly under the radar. They require all of my dedication regardless of how I may feel, what I may want or how inconvenient it may be.
Their care must take up most of my energy. Period.
Not only am I a mother but I am also a homeowner. I have a beautiful home that God has blessed me with and put into my care. No one is going to rescue me from my home responsibilities.
I must tend to it, clean it, cultivate it, sustain it and work hard in it and on it.
It will not be easy. It will not always be fun. But I must serve my home humbly with a happy and loving heart because it is part of my responsibilities.
I must be sure to be attentive to my home's needs and create an atmosphere of love, cleanliness and hospitality. I must use it to market the prescence of Jesus in my heart. My home needs to reflect the care I have for my children as well as serve as a poster ad of who our family is and what we stand for.
It also must be a place where my husband and children can feel comfortable when they are in it. The smells, sights, sounds, lighting and decor should speak well to their hearts and souls.
I am also a wife. This one is even bigger than the rest. I have chosen and made a public declaration in front of our friends and family that I will love, respect and support Andrew Gentges for as long as we both shall live.
My job is to be his helpmate.
I need to be reliable, trustworthy as well as willing to trust and build him up when he is weak.
I need to care for him when he is sick.
To love on him when he feels oppressed
and most of all?
To be his prayer warrior through every moment and season of our lives.
I am not married so my man can serve me. I am not married simply so that we can be happy. I am married so that I can humbly serve my dear sweet tender hearted husband, so that he doesn't have to face this cruel world alone. Our marriage together should be an example of what God's relationship is with the church and to be a witness of who Jesus is in our lives.
All three points add up to equal the biggest responsibility of all; my responsibility to my Savior. Out of reverence for him and what he has provided for me, I need to serve and care for the people and things I have been blessed with. But I don't do all these things because I have to as if it is some horrible chore. No, I do these things out of love for those in my care and because of the love Jesus showed to me even before I knew I needed him. Jesus did it even though I hadn't earned it and I don't deserve it.
I have not been put on this earth lightly. It sure wasn't in my power I showed up here. It is a gift that I even have what I have. Even being alive is because of his grace alone. I am nothing but a speck of microscopic dust compared to who God is. The knowledge of this is humbling and yet inspiring. It drives me to want to be more like him every day and to serve like Jesus served.
Having this moment of clarity means I am no longer allowed to be a child. I have no excuse. I must be an adult. I must be responsible. That is the true reality.
Can you relate to this moment of clarity? Have you ever experienced something like this? Did it change your life? How so? Leave your answer in the comments. I'd really love to hear your story.